Kaiori Breathe ‘Kokoro’ ep

As Kaiori Breathe‘s Kokoro ep is due to drop on Loodma (on April 16) I asked what would he do in a live performance situation if the budget was unlimited. I also embedded two tunes and one older one.

I suppose I would be forced to spend it forming the ultimate musical A-Team hiring theremin virtuoso Rob Schwimmer and professional yodeler Frank Ifield. John Deacon (of Queen fame) plays a mean triangle, so he’d be on board too. I’d also like to hire Bob Ross from the Joy of Painting. I know Bob Ross isn’t a musician I’d just like him on the team because I think his voice is amazing. You could make a slide out of silk and glissando and your ride down it wouldn’t be half as smooth as that man’s voice. I guess I’d also recruit Phil Collins, Joe Satriani, Eskmo and Vangelis.

The gig would occur at midnight above the Vredefort Crater. Craters are clearly the most ideal places to hold musical events. A musical event not held in a crater isn’t worth its salt. I say ‘above’ because I would have these men flown to a height of approximately 16,000 ft. On reaching this height these pioneering super men would jump from the plane (piloted by Christopher Walken and Bruce Campbell) and perform a rendition of ‘Kokoro’. This height allows for only 75 seconds of free fall time, so they would of course have to play the track at least three times the tempo at which it was originally written. If everyone listens three times faster though it should be fine.

Seeing as Bob Ross has no musical experience (I imagine), he would be equipped with a large pack of high power fireworks. At integral moments throughout the performance he would detonate these. Christopher Walken and Bruce Campbell would pilot the plane so that it spiraled around the performers eventually pulling up and performing a loop-the-loop and a barrel roll simultaneously. They would then jump out of the plane in dramatic fashion and it would explode. Fire trucks would not be at the ready because Health and Safety sucks.

An elite sound team comprised of killer whales would also take part in this jump to record it for anybody who misses it, which would be everybody because only me, Sam J. Jones, platypuses and the colour purple would be invited to witness it.


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